


How Not To Propose

by RhubarbDuck



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: American Ultra AU, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, No Incest, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:07:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27393208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhubarbDuck/pseuds/RhubarbDuck
Summary: Klaus is stuck in a shitty small town with his boyfriend (and future fiancé if Klaus could get his head out of his ass) Dave. He lives a life that is nothing if not ordinary- so why do people keep trying to kill him?American Ultra AU
Relationships: Klaus Hargreeves/David "Dave" Katz
Comments: 10
Kudos: 35





	1. Diamond Rings and Ballpoint Pens

It starts, like most horrible things do, in West Virginia. 

Klaus Hargreeves lives in the small, shit hole of a town Linsburg. Population: 5,384 and dwindling by the second. If it isn’t boredom killing the residence than it’s the drugs they take to stave off the boredom. There is a small dive bar that most people are too scared to enter, a Pizza Hut, and not much else. For the past couple years Klaus has existed in this town and did whatever it took to entertain himself. The only times he leaves are in his dreams or when he takes some particularly potent acid. 

There are few unfamiliar faces in the town and the familiar faces tend to be quite angry. It is a small town for small minds and Klaus certainly fits outside the perception of ‘acceptable’. He is loud, vulgar, wears too tight of pants, and has, according to one neighbour, "crazy eyes.” 

“My boyfriend quite likes my eyes,” is the usual response.

Ah. Yes. The boyfriend. Another thing that gets everyone’s panties in a twist. 

His boyfriend, Dave, is probably the only good thing in the entirety of Linsburg- maybe the whole world. 

Dave. He honestly can't remember his life before Dave. Dave is kind, funny, and unbearably sexy. Together they are happy. Stupidly happy. 

He wants to keep that happiness. He didn’t plan on proposing until he saw the ring. He wasn’t even supposed to be at the pawn shop, but some invisible force pulled him in, leading him to the best decision of his life. 

That’s when things got… weird. 

\--

Klaus watches the world through the haze of his breath on the glass. With each familiar landmark he feels calmer, less like his skeleton is going to crawl out of his skin. 

The car is silent except for the rattling of the broken heater. The silence only serves to remind him that he fucked up. Again. Guilt gnaws at his stomach.

“I’m sorry,” he says for the twentieth time since getting in the car. 

Dave, with his limitless patience, simply tells him “It’s okay.” 

He shrinks further into the seat. He is angry at Dave for being so damn understanding. Angry at himself for disappointing him. “I ruined it. Again. You were excited and I-"

“It’s fine."

“It’s not!” He keeps his eyes trained on the window, too afraid of seeing the same sympathy he always sees in Dave’s eyes. He would rather Dave be mad at him. He deserves it. 

Dave reaches for Klaus’s hand, stopping him from fidgeting with the edge of his jacket bringing it to his lips for a small kiss. “It is.” He rests their joined hands on the centre council. 

Klaus resists the urge to pull his hand away. Instead, he gives a small squeeze. “You should be angry at me.” 

“Do you want me to be angry at you?” 

“Yes!” He shouts, finally looking at Dave. 

He expects anger. Hatred. Disgust. Instead, Dave is smiling. It’s too restrained to be a happy smile but not tight enough to be angry. If anything, he just looks sad. 

Throwing up in an airport bathroom seeped him of the energy he’d typically use to pick a fight. Instead, he relents. “No.” 

“You can’t control it, Klaus.” 

“I was excited- you were excited and I ruined it-“

“You didn’t,” he reassures.

“Stop.” He shuts his eyes and leans his head against the window again. “Stop being so… you.” 

Dave doesn’t say anything.

The car is once again full of an eerie and uncomfortable silence. Klaus hates the silence. He is itching to break it. He wants to make a joke or say something but, for once in his life, he can’t find the words. 

Luckily- or maybe unluckily, the lazily wail of a police siren breaks it for him. 

Klaus retreats his hand and begins to fidget with his shirt. Dave gives him a look that is equal parts suspicion and disappointment. 

If he wasn’t angry before he sure as hell will be. 

“You’re packing, aren’t you?”

He has a couple grams of coke in his carry on and a joint tucked in his pocket. Just enough to take the edge off. “Moi?” Klaus asks in faux offence.

“Damn it!” He hits the steering wheel in anger. "Klaus! We were gonna go on a plane! What were you gonna do then?” 

Klaus thought it was an inappropriate time to mention that they were never going to get on the plane. Luckily, his filter is pretty much non-existent. “But we didn’t. You’re welcome.” 

Dave clenches the wheel in a white-knuckle grip as he pulls over, “just let me handle this.”

Even through the closed windows Klaus can hear the creak of the police car door opening. The only thing older than the cars is the mindset of the officer’s driving them. Klaus, being a general nuisance, is not their favourite person. 

The burst of chilly air is less icy than the warning glare Dave gives him as he opens the window. “Officer Burns,” he greets cheerfully, “What do we owe the pleasure.”

“'Thought I saw your car heading out. Heard ya’ll were going on a vacation,” he says in lieu of a greeting. He flashes a sickening tobacco stained smile as he leans against the window, peering inside, "'was wondering how long it would take till I saw you crawling back. This a new record, Klaus?” 

Everyone in town knows of his condition. Everyone knows that he can’t leave. Not for a lack of trying. He desperately wants to leave the shitty small town he begrudgingly calls home. In theory it should be easy to simply hop in his car and drive until he reached something new. In reality, the panic attacks always stop him when he hits the edge of town. 

“You know I can’t stay away from your pretty face, Marty.”

Dave grips his knee tightly as Officer Burns, as he prefers to be called, spits gooey black tobacco onto the road and gives him another too-wide smile. “With number of times I’ve had to drag your ass to the station I thought you were finally on the run. I have half a mind to search this car. We wouldn’t want that now, would we?”

“Why stop at the car? Might wanna do a cavity search. You never know what I’ve got up my-“ 

Dave’s hand is over Klaus's mouth before he can finish his sentence. “No, we wouldn’t, Officer.” 

Klaus is a little disappointed at the lack of reaction. A few years back a quip like that would have him handcuffed against the car and charged for whatever bullshit they can come up with. The local law enforcement has long since gotten used to his antics. Now Officer Burns rolls his eyes, “Just checking up on ya. Wondering how the vacation was.” He laughs and Klaus can feel his ears turn red. If it weren’t for Dave’s hand stubbornly pressed against his mouth, he may still get arrested yet. 

“Thank you. Officer. Is that all?” Dave asks, already turning the keys in the ignition. 

“Keep an eye on that one,” he tips his hat to Dave, who doesn’t waste a moment before driving away. “Or save yourself the trouble!” he shouts after them. 

“Fucker.” Dave mutters. 

“Dave. I’m-“

“Klaus, if you apologise one more time I will get angry.” 

That shut him up. 

— 

His life follows a monotonous routine: wake up, smoke, go to the same shitty grocery store, space out for eight hours and occasionally stock shelves, more drugs, rinse, and repeat. 

His life was, at some point, a little more exciting (if exciting meant going on a week-long bender and waking up in a cell with the worst headache he ever experienced). After a couple weeks in jail and the threat of a rehab that he could never attend, he met Dave. Honestly, Klaus couldn’t remember his life before Dave. Dave was kind and understanding and way too put together to be with a fuck up like Klaus, but for whatever reason he seems to love Klaus- or at least he tells him so twice a day. 

Klaus is… happy. Content. He doesn’t hate his simple life. He just wants something more. 

He sits on the creaky stool behind the counter of Umbrella Convenience. It’s rare that they even get a single customer. The Walmart in the next town over apparently has more than ‘everything under the umbrella,’ or whatever the stupid slogan is, and they have been robbed of what few loyal customers they once had. Klaus doesn’t mind. If anything, it makes inventory exceedingly easy. 

He scribbles a picture of a monkey in a suit onto a notebook he took from isle five. 

“That Pogo?” A familiar voice asks. 

“The one and only,” he tells Ben, his one and only coworker- though you wouldn’t be able to tell due to the lack of uniform, name tag, or usefulness. 

Ben is familiar with Klaus’s doodles. When they are bored of pretending to work, they make up stories about super heros, time travel, and talking chimps. “What is he up to now?”

“Damage control,” he smirks, “the robot mom-“

“Grace,” Ben corrects. He can’t remember which one of them came up with that character but she sure is fun to draw. 

“Yeah, her. She’s been hacked by Dr. Terminal to kill all the kids.” 

Honestly, the crazy stories they come up with are one of the few things Klaus looks forward to in a day. His life is so dreary he even dreams about them. Whatever bastard came up with that lie about only remembering a fraction of your dreams has never been inside Klaus’s head. His dreams are more vivid than memories (as blocked out by prolonged drug use as they might be).

“Grace had- or should have- blonde hair. In one of those 60s updos.” 

“Ben you beautiful bastard. Are you a damn mind reader or something?” He pulls out a marker from under the counter and begins colouring. 

“Or something.” Ben leans over the counter and watches Klaus draw upside down. He chimes in every once in a while, saying that this character needs a monocle or that one needs a scar, always voicing exactly what is in Klaus’ head. Maybe it’s the long hours they spend talking about it, but somehow they share an absurdly similar vision for the story. In the years that they’ve worked together their silly doodles have taken up several notebooks, post its, and is even sharpied into the counter. 

“You’re getting really good,” Ben tells him as he scans through the drawings splayed out on the desk “Pass that one over here,” he points to a piece of scrap paper with some sort of tentacle monster. 

“Hey lazy miss daisy. Get it yourself.” 

Ben doesn’t move, too enamoured in the drawings. “I’m serious, jackass. These are awesome.” 

“This is our baby, Benny Boy. Not just mine.” 

“You do all the work I am just a witness.” That is true. Ben claims to be a terrible artist but Klaus has seen to evidence to prove or disprove that theory. 

“Fine. We share custody of the baby. I get… ninety percent. You can have a leg or an arm or something.” 

Ben makes a gross face. “Keep it."

“Dave thinks we should publish them. That man has more faith than brain cells.”

“How is Dave? Still pissed?”

Klaus groans. Ben knows a lot about Dave despite them never meeting. Other than the doodles, that’s usually what they talk about. Ben is surprisingly perceptive. When he isn’t being an asshole, he is even known to give good advice. Not that Klaus follows it. “Who knows. He says he isn’t.”

“If my boyfriend couldn’t leave this shit hole I’d be pissed.”

Klaus groans and rests his forehead on the table. “Helpful, Ben. Very helpful.”

“You could at least get stuck in a town with a decent movie theater.” 

In however long they have worked together Klaus cannot wrap his head around Ben. They never hang out other than when they are working despite getting along so well. Extremely well. Not many people like Klaus except drug dealers, his boyfriend, and Ben. Where Klaus is loud and flamboyant, Ben is shy. He never interacts with customers and he loathes doing any sort of work. Not that there is much to do. Mostly, he is simply there to nag Klaus. And nag he does. 

“Seriously, Klaus. To call this place a shit hole would be insulting to shit holes everywhere.” 

He turns his head, cheek sticking to a candy wrapper. “What’s your excuse?”

“And leave you to run this store to the ground? What about our loyal customers?”

Klaus flips him off. 

“So now that you’re not going to Hawaii, when are you going to propose?” 

It’s not that Klaus forgot he was going to propose. In fact, it’s been the only thing on his mind since he stumbled upon that fancy looking ring at the pawn shop. No matter how hard he tries he cannot stop thinking about how stupid it is that he bought it. 

He’s just been waiting for the right time to actually do the proposing. As much of a fuck up as he might be, he knows that Dave will say yes. He just has to wait for a time when Dave is less pissed off- if ever. 

Klaus groans and melts off the stool and onto the dirty ground. “Never,” he tells the dust bunnies living under the counter.

“Stop being dramatic this isn’t the end of the world.”

“But it is! I can only disappoint that man so many times before he realises that he can do better.”

“So, grow a pair and ask before he does."

Ben always knows what to say.

-

It only takes a couple minutes to get home. It would have been shorter if Dave had picked him up as he sometimes does, but Klaus told him that he would rather walk. He needed the fresh air to think through his plan. Tonight is the night. Tonight he is going to ask Dave to marry him. 

“I am!” He tells the front door. 

He doesn’t open it. 

Dave is inside. Dave is probably cooking dinner and singing along to his favourite records. He can picture him dancing around the kitchen in that cute apron that says, ‘kiss the chef’ and wondering what’s taking so damn long. 

Klaus smokes another cigarette. Just one more. Then he will go inside and ask Dave to marry him.

He had a perfect plan and then it got fucked up. He fucked it up. On the walk home he could only think about why this was a stupid idea in the first place. Dave wouldn’t want to marry him- Dave has good taste. People with good taste don’t want to marry disasters like Klaus. Well, they probably wouldn’t date Klaus for two years either. Even being in the presence of Klaus is the sign of bad taste and Klaus does not want to marry someone with bad taste. So, if Dave agrees to marry him there is no way Klaus is going to marry him. 

Wait. What? 

Dave loves him. He loves Dave. They’ve been dating for two whole years. Klaus isn’t good at math but even he knows that it all adds up to a diamond ring. And it’s not like they haven’t talked about it before. They’ve lived together almost as long as they’ve been dating, and Klaus certainly doesn’t have a filter so of course they’ve discussed it. The future always seems a lot further away than it is. 

His cigarette is burned down to the filter, but Klaus is still too nervous to go inside. Klaus has never been this nervous in his life. He wasn’t nervous when he wore a skirt to a Super Bowl party or going through airport security with cocaine, why is he nervous now?

He is a grown ass man and he can face his boyfriend. 

After one more cigarette. 

There is a voice in his head telling him to stop being a pussy. It sounds a lot like Ben. 

“Hey darling, how was work?” Dave kisses his cheek when he walks through the door. Shit, when did he open the door?

Klaus just shrugs, avoiding looking Dave in the eyes because if he does he may just spill his plans. “Same old same old. Ben- the lazy asshole, left early and didn’t help close. We had a whopping three whole customers.”

“Impressive. What is your secret?”

Klaus pretends to think for a moment. “Being sexy. Sometimes I think they’re intimated by my good looks.” 

The banter is easy. Normal. It shouldn’t be normal. They should be bantering on some tropical beach and not in the messy living room surrounded by beer cans and dirty clothes. 

His eyes zero in on the half-smoked bong on the table. He takes a big rip and immediately his head feels a little clearer. He didn’t notice the ringing in his ear until it went away. He takes a couple extra hits for good measure. 

“Hey, you know that’s still my weed,” Dave abruptly steals the bongs out of Klaus’s hands and packs another bowl. 

“I’m babysitting!” Klaus protests. “Weedsitting? Potsitting?” 

Dave takes a smaller hit, his shoulders relaxing when he exhales. “I think mooching is the correct term."

“You say tomato and I thank you kindly for sharing your drugs with me.” 

Dave smiles- a real smile- for the first time since leaving for the airport. Klaus remembers the beautiful excitement on his face and how quickly he crushed it with his drama. Dave deserves to smile like that all the time. He deserves to go on nice vacations. He deserves more than Klaus. He should marry someone better. He should marry someone who isn't-

“Hey,” Dave says. “Stop thinking whatever it is you’re thinking.”

Klaus hates that Dave can read him so easily. Really, it’s his fault for letting his guard down. 

He momentarily considers apologising again but changes his mind, knowing that there is nothing more to say. “I was just thinking about how onion rings are too big to fit on someone’s finger,” he lies. “Why even call them rings? They should be called onion hoops.” 

Oh god. He mentioned rings. He is going to have to propose right now, isn’t he?

That earns a small laugh and an eye roll. “Like hoop earrings?”

“Exactly! If you’re going to turn an onion into jewellery you might as well go all the way."

“They need to turn more fast food into fashion,” Dave agrees. “I’d like to see an outfit made from French fries.”

“I’ve been saying that for years.” He tackles Dave, who’s reflexes are fast enough to put the delicate glassware on the table before Klaus lands on him. 

“Ow,” Dave’s protest is muffled by Klaus’s mouth on his. 

Klaus kisses him less forcibly instead of apologising. And then again. And again. Each kiss atoning for more than just crushing his ribs. Dave’s arms circle around his waist, holding him close and sighing happily into the onslaught of kisses. It almost feels like forgiveness. 

Klaus moves his attention down his neck before unbuttoning Dave’s shirt, pressing kisses into his chest. 

“Babe,” Dave moans when Klaus starts exploring lower, unbuttoning his pants “what about dinner?” 

“Fuck dinner.” 

Dave chuckles and stops him from completing his mission. Instead, he tangles their fingers together. He looks up at Klaus with a mischievous smirk. With surprising ease, he flips their positions and pins his hands above Klaus’ head. Somehow straddling Klaus’ legs on the small couch, he leans forward and whispers, “Dinner first. Dessert later.” 

“Oh, you bastard.” Klaus rolls his eyes but relents, knowing that Dave will force him to eat before they can have any more fun. He only lightly spanks Dave as he moves to the kitchen to make dinner. 

He is still banned from cooking since the fork in the microwave incident. Instead, he turns the tv on to some weird medical show he knows Dave will hate. It is a small act of rebellion, especially since Dave doesn’t know that he ruined the perfect segue into proposing, but each stifled gag from the kitchen brings him a little joy. No matter how grossed out, Dave never asks him to change the channel. The bastard. 

The food smells good and Klaus only feels a little guilty for not helping. Usually his help only leads to more of a mess for Dave to clean up- which he also isn’t allowed to help with. The kitchen is basically a No Klaus Zone. He doesn’t really mind as the rest of the apartment has been taken over by Klaus’s stuff. He imagines that it was once a clean and habitable space before he entered the picture. Why Dave even lets him in his house is a mystery to everyone. 

They make an unlikely pair to an outside observer. Dave is the definition of a stand-up fellow: charming, responsible, and a bit old fashioned. Only Klaus knows that Dave is a bit of a disaster himself- just a different brand of crazy. 

Klaus is the kind of crazy that drives other people crazy. Dave is the kind of crazy that lets him. 

He is the kind of crazy that watches gross medical mysteries while he cooks dinner. “Look at the size of that tumour, are those teeth?” Klaus shouts into the kitchen, knowing it grosses Dave out to no end, but his curiosity won’t let him continue without looking. 

As if on cue, Dave hovers over his shoulder. “That’s disgusting,” he mutters to himself before returning to whatever he is stirring on the stove. 

Eventually there is a new medical mystery presented on the screen. It’s one of those classic cases of someone ‘accidentally’ falling ass first onto an object. A lightbulb in this case. 

Klaus cringes. Not out of disgust. No, he’s been in a similar position and it really isn’t as bad as the dramatic re-enactment makes it out to be. No, what he really sympathises with is the lightbulb. That poor lightbulb that never signed up to be shoved up the ass of some middle-aged neckbeard with a weird fetish. 

Minutes later Klaus is so enraptured in the show that he doesn't notice the bowl of food in front of him or the arm around his shoulder. “Gross. Why would you put that up there?” Dave asks.

The x-ray would be funny if it weren’t mildly disturbing. A lightbulb nestled in the pelvic bones as if some unfortunate bastard had a brilliant idea in his ass.

“Dave.” Klaus asks seriously, eyes glued to the screen. “What if I’m that guy?”

“The one with a lightbulb in his ass?”

He runs his fingers through his greasy hair as sour panic churns his stomach. “Yes. No. Like- that lightbulb is meant for something, right? It’s not supposed to be in that dude’s ass. It is supposed to shine, Davey. It is supposed to be in some cool lamp or lighting up some awesome club, or theater, or something. Instead it's… in that guys ass. Stuck. Like everything else that’s been up there.” 

“Klaus-“

“What if you’re that lightbulb?” Klaus blinks, just now aware of the moisture in his eyes. “What if you’re meant to be in some awesome place? What if you're supposed to light up someone’s life?” He swallows the lump in his throat. “You don’t deserve to be stuck in some stupid dark place. You don’t-“

“What? No, come on,” Dave takes Klaus in his arms, hands raking through his hair. 

“I’m an asshole! I’m literally an asshole and you’re the poor lightbulb that got caught up in me. You had potential and then I got you stuck.” 

“Babe,” he positions them face to face, Dave holding Klaus' hands to his chest. “I’m not stuck.” He nods towards the television as the episode wraps up. “Neither was the lightbulb, see?” 

Somehow, the lightbulb got removed from the ass and instead sits on some sterile metal tray. It still isn’t shining. 

“You’re not an asshole. I am not stuck. I want to be here. I don’t want to be in a club or a theater or anywhere without you.” 

“Yes, you are!” Klaus nods frantically. “You are supposed to be in Hawaii right now not stuck here.”

“With you,” Dave reassures. 

“Why are you like this?” Klaus hides his face on Dave’s shoulder. The proposal long forgotten in the storm that Klaus calls a brain. 

“Because I’m in love,” He kisses the side of his head and Klaus would laugh and call him a cliché if he possessed the energy. “You’ll beat this.” 

“Don’t hold your breath.” 

“You will,” and he says it with so much conviction that Klaus almost believes him. 

—

Klaus feels better the next day. After their heart to heart they put different parts of their anatomy together and had a good, long night. 

The store is suspended in a loud silence. It is never truly quiet due to the low hum of the refrigerators, buzzing florescent lights, and the sound of his brain melting of boredom. Still, despite the long hours with only Ben’s cheerless company, he is happy. 

Klaus is not a particular fan of silence, even one as loud as the store, so he whistles as he sweeps the floor. 

“So,” Ben says from his spot perched on the counter, “someone’s cheerful. Did you pop the question?”

And just like that the moment is ruined. “Oh yeah,” he says sarcastically,   
I got down on one knee in the middle of the dirty kitchen and asked the most amazing man in the world to marry me next to a broken microwave.”

“You pussied out again?” 

“I didn’t pussy out. I had a plan and it didn’t happen. If I’m going to propose I’m going to do it when the time is right. The right time was not when we got stoned and watched ‘Medical Mysteries.’"

“Why not? He already puts up with your weird shit and it’s not like you're not the most conventional couple in the world."

“C’mon Ben you know Dave- well, sorta. He deserves more than that.”

“You better do it soon or else you never will.” 

“Will to!”

“Will not!”

“Will to!”

“Will not!”

Klaus drops the broom and starts to lunge at Ben. For a friend he can be really fucking unfriendly. 

A look of fear crosses Ben’s face before he shouts and points, “Customer!" Klaus turns around, fingers flexed and mere inches away from Ben’s throat before he notices the young boy staring at him. 

The boy is unfamiliar. They live in a small town so he knows everyone and everyone knows him. He does not know this kid. 

“Sorry about that,” Klaus mutters, giving Ben a mean glare. Ben sticks out his tongue but turns and leaves Klaus to deal with the strange kid himself. 

“Not a problem,” he says in a way that sounds as if he has never been more inconvenienced in his life. He is wearing a school uniform, despite there not being a private school around these parts. He throws a bag of marshmallows on the counter. 

“That’ll be $2.43.” The kid doesn’t move. He just keeps staring at Klaus with his jaw clenched.

“So,” he says awkwardly, “S’mores, am I right?” 

“Klaus.” 

Wait. What?

“Huh?”

The kid puts his forearm on the counter and leans in far too close. “I need you to listen,” he looks around at the invisible customers, “they’re annihilating the program. You need to get out of here.” 

Klaus laughs without thinking. Whoever this kid is he is clearly higher than a bat out of hell, or whatever that old saying is. ”Sure thing. I’ll get right on that.” 

“Klaus.” 

“That’s my name,” he points to his name tag before he realises that he never put it on.

Weird. 

The kid slams his hand down on the table hard enough that the coins in the register rattle. “Stop fucking around.”

Okay. Weirder. 

Klaus gives a nervous laugh and puts his hands up in surrender. He has dealt with difficult customers before but there is something deeply unsettling about this kid. “Alright kiddo. I’m all ears."

“Tango uniform alpha has been breached. The chariot has been released. Sierra Romeo is in pursuit.” 

Klaus doesn’t say anything for several moments, trying to decipher what the hell that is supposed to mean. The kid stares at him with wide eyes and furrowed brows. The boy almost looks… hopeful. Almost as if he expects Klaus to do something. 

“Are those song lyrics?” 

“Fuck!” He runs a hand through his hair. “Focus, Number Four.” 

“Look, I don’t know if you’re lost or what, but I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

"Tango Uniform Alpha has been breached. The chariot has been released. Sierra Romeo is in pursuit,” he repeats slowly. The kid’s intense eyes bear into Klaus and it makes him feel guilty for not understanding. God, is he this annoying when he’s high. 

“Are you gonna buy the marshmallows or what?” 

“Fuck! I’m trying to help you!” The kid kicks the display next to the counter. The unexpected crashing of the metal stand and scattering of cheap plastic sunglasses makes Klaus jump in surprise. 

“Son of a bitch!” Klaus shouts. Shit, now he is gonna have to clean that up. Kid or not, he has a few more colourful words he’d like to say about the situation. “What the hell-“ but when he looks up the kid is gone. “Where did you go you little shit!” He shouts. He is answered by the buzz of the lights. 

“Fucking rich kids.” 

Suddenly, Ben is next to him behind the counter. “I think we should leave.” 

Klaus yelps, “Is everyone trying to give me a heart attack?” 

“Sorry,” Ben mutters, staring intently at the door and not sounding sorry at all. 

“Did you see that kid? That little fucker is gonna pay.”

“We should leave.”

“Ben?” But he is already walking towards the door, hands shoved in his pockets and a wild look in his eyes. “Ben, who was that weirdo?” 

Something in the parking lot causes Ben to turn around and shout “We need to leave out the backdoor. Now!”

“What in sweet hell are you talking about?”

Before Ben can answer the door swings open with a chime and another customer walks in. 

“Uh. Sorry dude- sir. Let me just clean this up.” The man doesn’t move, just raises an eyebrow over his dark sunglasses. What kind of douche bag wears sunglasses at night? Just his luck to get two out of towners in one day. And his only customers too. 

Cursing his luck, he goes to clean up the display but suddenly there is a flash of something coming towards him. Without thinking, Klaus blocks the man’s arm with a swift upward punch to the elbow. 

He is more stunned by his reflexes than by getting attacked. He doesn’t get a chance to recover before the man ducks down and lunges again, aiming what Klaus just realizes is a knife at his stomach. 

“Shit” he yelps. With speed he didn’t know he possessed, Klaus grabs the man’s hand and pulls backwards until he hears a sickening crunch. The man yells in pain. Klaus kicks the fallen knife out of the way and grabs whatever he can from the counter. His body moves on instinct, mind blank as he shoves a ballpoint pen into the man’s neck. He can feel it pierce through skin and tendons. Warm blood trickles onto his hands before he quickly pulls it out of his neck. The wound spurts and splatters blood on Klaus. The man chokes and gasps for air, flailing and weakly grabbing at Klaus’s arm before falling to the ground, eyes wide and confused.

Klaus stops, dropping the bloody pen onto the ground and staring at the man he just murdered. 

Fuck. 

Fuck. 

Fuck! 

“Fuck!” Klaus shouts, slipping on the slowly growing pool of blood and falling backward onto the broken display. 

He hears a loud gasp from behind him. Shit. He forgot about Ben. 

“Dude.” Ben’s wide eyes move from the corpse to Klaus. “That was sick!”


	2. Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The consequences of manslaughter is apparently more manslaughter. Good times ahead.

“I killed someone with a pen!” Klaus shouts into his phone. 

Klaus hears a statically chuckle on the other end of the line. “That’s hilarious. What did they do?” Dave asks. 

Klaus nearly throws his phone. Maybe Ben was right and he shouldn’t have called Dave but he just killed a man and he doesn’t know what else to do. If he is going to do this, he needs to break the news calmly. He needs to make Dave understand he is serious without freaking him out too much. 

“This dude came into the store and he had a knife and then I pulled some John Wick shit and stabbed him in the neck and it just exploded and there was blood and I don’t know how I did it but he is dead and I really really hope I’m on drugs-”

“Slow down,” Dave interrupts. “What are you talking about?"

“I just fucking killed someone! Killed, Dave. Killed!” He screeches into the phone. 

“I’m- fuck- I’m on my way?”

“Fucking hurry!” Klaus throws his phone instead of hanging up, pent up energy and nerves manifesting in misplaced anger at the poor phone that Dave paid for. It skids across the floor and into the pool of blood. Great. 

“Now what?” Ben asks from where he is all too casually sitting on the counter, kicking his feet as if there isn’t a corpse two feet away. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you bored?” Klaus asks sarcastically, "Is my murdering someone boring you?” 

“Well we need to do something! We can’t just sit around and wait for Dave to get here.”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing! I don’t know if you know this but I have never killed anyone! I don’t know what to fucking do I’m not well versed in how to get away with murder.”

“You have to do something other than loiter in the crime scene." 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, what do I do?” He resumes his pacing and tries to keep his breathing under control. His mind is racing with thoughts he didn’t know he was capable of. It took him exactly six seconds to register the threat, fracture his olecranon, dislocate his finger, and rupture his carotid artery. He doesn’t even remember learning anatomy much less what an olecranon is. His brain is swimming with information that doesn’t belong to him and it further confuses him. Has he surpassed regular panic? Is this what the next stage of a panic attack is? 

“At least close the store. We don’t want a health code violation.” 

He wants to tell Ben where exactly he can shove his health code violation but he is, as usual, right. “Shit.” He goes the long way around the counter to get to the door, hopping over blood splatters to flip the sign from open to closed. “Okay, okay, okay. Um. What next?”

“Lock the door, idiot.”

“Shit!” He quickly turns the lock and turns out the main lights before ducking behind the register. 

Ben joins him, not talking as they wait for Dave to arrive. He seems mostly unfazed but Klaus guesses that he is in shock. Hell, who wouldn’t be?

Klaus, on the other hand, is trying to freak out. He wants to freak out but everything that happened feels like it happened to someone else. Although he knows that it wasn’t technically his fault he did just kill someone. The worst is that he remembers it with perfect clarity. He remembers the sickening crunch of the man’s elbow as he blocked the knife. He remembers his body moving without his permission. He remembers feeling calm, calmer than ever before. 

Usually, he can’t get his thoughts to slowdown, like right now. But in that moment he felt good. He didn’t think about the consequences. He didn’t think about his actions. He simply acted. 

He almost misses those six seconds. The chaos of violence was so much better than any drug he’s ever experienced and he’s a self proclaimed pacifist. 

Eventually, he hears Dave’s voice call from the back, “Babe? Are you- Holy hell.”

“We’re back here!”

He pops up from behind the register and watches the color drain from Dave’s face as he looks at the body. 

“What the hell happened?”

“It’s not what it looks like I swear! He had a knife and he was going to kill me and I just… I don’t know what I did."

“You just killed someone,” Ben reminds him. 

“Shut up!” He hisses. 

“Babe,” Dave slowly walks forward, hands raised as if approaching a wild animal, “you need to calm down.”

He wants to violently remind Dave that he has just killed a man, but instead takes a deep breath. “Dave, I- I don’t know what happened. He had a knife! He was going to stab my shit!”

Dave runs a hand through his hair and stares at the dead man, “why was someone trying to stab you? Who is this guy?” 

Klaus shrugs. He doubts that the man was specifically trying to kill him. He probably just got unlucky. A lot of people dislike him, sure, but no one cares enough about him to want him dead. “Didn’t really have time to grab his wallet, babe. I was kinda distracted by the whole murder thing.”

Dave’s response is interrupted by the shrieking of sirens. 

—

“You fucked up real good this time.”

Klaus and Dave are both handcuffed to a small metal table. Behind Officer Burns is a two way mirror. Klaus seriously doubts that there is anyone on the other side as the police in this town are notoriously absent on weekends, but then again this might be the most exciting thing that has happened all year. 

“It was self defence,” Dave says. 

“Robbery, possession, drunk driving. I get that you’re young and you get mixed in with a rowdy crowd. But murder? Now you’re a reasonable man, Katz. Is there nowhere you will draw the line?” 

Probably not, Klaus thinks. Dave has been kind to him, sure, but if there is a limit to his patience this has to be it. 

“He had a knife-“ Dave starts to say but Officer Burns holds his hand up in the universal cop gesture for shut the fuck up.

“Now I don’t want to believe he killed that man anymore than you do but the evidence is overwhelming. Let’s go over this once more, hmm? He calls you and confesses, you see the body and he confesses, I arrive and he confesses again. Your boyfriend has killed a man with a pen.”

“In self defence,” Dave remind him, sounding only slightly less confident. God, Klaus loves this man. The ring in his pocket feels like it’s a thousand pounds. He looks at Dave, jaw set tight and staring down Officer Burns with fire in his eyes. He is so in love with this brave dumb idiot. He is going to do it. He is going to propose. He’s going to do it right now in this police station. The place where they met. How romantic is that?

“Klaus,” oh yeah, he is being questioned isn’t he? “In these past couple years I’ve seen you more than I’ve seen my damn family. You are here, how often? Once a month at least. I’ve arrested you for crimes I didn’t even know we had names for. I’ll admit, you make shit interesting which is why I really don’t want to believe that you killed this man. You’re not violent, never have been. So I want to hear it from you again. What did you do?”

Klaus swallows down his nerves, leg tapping relentlessly against the floor. He was hoping it was any officer other than Burns. Any officer that hasn’t seen his dick before (who knew streaking was illegal?) but it’s way too late to lie at this point so he might as well just try to save Dave the whole trouble of a murder charge. 

“Okay. I get to work at like two and it was a long shift and real boring. It was just me and Ben.”

“Ben?” Officer Burns asks. Shit. He nearly forgot about Ben in the chaos of getting arrested but the bastard was nowhere to be seen when Officer Burns entered the store. Smart bastard.

“He got off early,” Klaus lies, “We were fucking around because didn’t have many customers other than this weird kid. Real weird. He couldn’t have been more than like 12, boy scout or something he had this weird uniform on.”

“Is this important?” 

“No but it was fucking weird. He started saying all this weird code shit I didn’t understand and he got angry and cursed me out and stormed off.”

“You never mentioned a kid,” Dave says, “what did he say?” 

“Let’s move on from this-“ Burns tries to but they ignore him. 

“Blah blah Romeo Juliet blah blah program is being annihilated blah blah blah. Like I said, weird shit.”

“Program is annihilated? What does that even mean?” 

“I don’t know! Must’ve been on some weird rich kid stuff. Adderall or those little gummy worms.”

“Focus, babe. Do you remember anything else he said?"

"Tango Uniform Alpha has been breached. The chariot has been released. Sierra Romeo is in pursuit,” Klaus says without thinking. 

“What?” Dave and Officer Burns both ask. 

“I-I don’t know how I remembered that. You don’t think it’s related to the whole stabby stabby guy do you?” 

Dave shrugs helplessly. 

“Then what happened?” Officer Burns interrupts. 

“Oh. Uh. The kid got angry. He was all like, 'Klaus focus,' and I was all like, 'dude chill,' and then he, uh, knocked over a display and then was just gone. Then the dude came in and I saw a knife but I disarmed him and then I don’t know I just...” Klaus tries to imitate stabbing someone but his hands are stopped by the short chain of the hand cuffs connecting him to the table. “So!” He gives a nervous laugh, "That was my night. How was yours?” 

The question is ignored.

Rude. 

“Alright. That was enough of a confession for me. We will see how the whole ’self defence’ thing works out in court.” As he stands to uncuff them a new officer steps in. It’s Patch, a real nice lady who sometimes gives him coffee. She doesn’t hate Klaus, an unusual blessing, but she’s kinda a hard ass. 

“Burns get out here we’ve got some weird shit going on.” 

“Like hell we do,” he gestures to Dave and Klaus. 

“Weirder. The dead guy had no ID, no prints, and get this: he had a whole artillery in his car.” 

Dave squeezes his hand under the table. 

“And his friends are here.” 

“Friends?” Both officers leave the room, leaving Dave and Klaus handcuffed to the table. 

There are a million thoughts running through Klaus’s head. His leg starts jittering again and there is a sinking feeling in his stomach. Something bad is going to happen. 

“I don’t like this,” Dave says. “This whole thing is wrong.” 

“What do you think is going on? It was sorta rude of them to just up and leave their favourite murder suspects- sorry, singular suspect- handcuffed to a table. Like, are they not going to give us coffee? Usually I get coffee. I swear the service around here is going to shit-“

“Shut up,” Dave snaps.

Klaus kicks him, “You shut up! I’ve had a very stressful evening and-”

“No,” Dave hisses, “do you hear that?”

Klaus shuts his mouth and listens. He thinks he hears yelling when suddenly there is the unmistakable shout of a gun. 

“What the fuck is going on!” Klaus shouts. 

“I don’t know and I don’t want to find out. Lets get out of here.” Dave tries to uncuff himself but Klaus can attest to it being a lot harder than it looks on T.V. 

There is more commotion outside the room and the building is nearly shaking at what sounds like a shoot out. He hears the cops 9mm pistols and then the much louder rapid fire of a Mark 48. He yelps and tries to help Dave with their escape when Patch re-enters the room. She runs to them and uncuffs them without saying a word. “What is going on?” Dave asks.

She pulls them down so they are all crouching. “No idea but you need to get out of here!” She yell whispers, "stay low and stay behind me, got it?” 

Klaus crawls behind her and Dave. He isn’t super excited to leave the relative safety of the room and into the chaos of the station, but like hell he is going to stay there by himself. The yelling has turned into screaming and Patch winces as she peaks around the corner, gun drawn. 

“Shit,” he whispers.

“What’s going on?” 

She swallows and turns toward them, “Casualties. At least two officers down.”

“Excuse a fucking me?” Klaus tries to keep his voice down but with the shooting and the screaming he can barely hear himself think. “Who killed them? What is going on?”

The two way mirror shatters and glass rains down before Patch can answer. Klaus covers his head and tries to make himself into a ball. 

“Fuck!” Patch spins around, leaning against the wall and holding a steadily bleeding wound on her arm. “Run!”

Klaus doesn’t need to be told twice. He crawls forward, the glass cutting into his knees a distant thought as he drags Dave up and out the room. He goes down the hall and to the front exit, bullets firing and hitting the wall behind him as he pulls Dave through the station. He skids to a halt when he reaches the lobby and is met with an officer’s body on the ground, unseeing eyes staring at a sight long since passed. He is haloed by a pool of blood and brain matter. Klaus shrieks and shuts his eyes at the gore. 

“Keep going!” Dave shouts, pushing him through the bullpen and to the door. 

“Hey!” Someone yells from behind him. He stops and spins around, suddenly face to face with a large man wearing a suit and… a blue bear mask? Somehow, the mask is more disorienting than the giant gun pointed at his chest. 

“Klaus!” Dave yells, pushing him over before the shooting resumes. 

Klaus crawls around the desk, checking to see that Dave is in a similar position on the other side of the room behind the wall leading to the holding cells. He moves, crawling behind the desk as bullets shower around him. He makes a split decision, or his body makes one for him, and he vaults upward, launching over the desk and onto the back of the attacker. He pulls the gun out of his hands and throws it to the side. Unfortunately the man is much stronger than him and with his newly freed hands he is able to flip Klaus over his head. He lands on his back, head hitting the ground and making him see stars at the pain shoots through his skull. Still disoriented, he rolls to the side, narrowly avoiding a large fist punching the ground where his head was moments before. 

The man yells, his leather gloves minimally protecting his hand from the force of the punch. Klaus stands up quickly and grabs the gun. The man is recovering quickly and spins around just as Klaus swings it, hitting him square in the mask before righting the gun and pulling the trigger. The man ducks and Klaus doesn’t expect just how much kick the gun has, stumbling backwards and the man steals his hiding place behind the desk. 

Klaus doesn’t waste time and runs, tossing the heavy gun to the ground. He is so focused on just getting the hell away from the masked dude that he runs directly into someone. Just as he is about to throw a punch he stops short, realising that this is not another attacker but his boyfriend.

“Dave!” He shouts, retracting his fist and instead throwing his arms around him in a bone crushing hug. 

Dave returns the hug with just as much force before they separate. “You idiot!” He shouts before punching Klaus in the arm, “Why did you do that?” 

“Good to see you too! Now how the hell are we getting out of here?” They continue running through the holding cells and to the opposite door. Klaus knows from experience that it leads into the storage closet they call the evidence room and then right back to the bullpen. If there is another exit, he doesn’t know it. 

They get to the end of the room far too quickly. Dave stops him before his hand reaches the door knob. “Get down,” he hisses. 

Klaus ducks below the window. Dave puts his ear to the door, listening as Klaus peaks to the other side. Dave frowns and gestures to his ears. Klaus was too distracted by the pounding of his heart to notice that it had gone eerily silent. Klaus hazards a peak over the door and finds it in a similar state. The chaos left its mark but the storm appears to have passed. 

He shrugs at Dave and reaches for the doorknob. He opens the door and peaks around the corner. Still crouched, he takes several steps before gesturing Dave to follow him after confirming that the coast is clear. 

The storage closet is only a few feet away. Klaus has only been there once and then he was incredibly high, so his memory is not the most reliable but he vaguely recalls a window. It’s small, but maybe he can fit into it. Just as they are about to reach it a large shape emerges from the corner of his eye. They did not escape the storm, merely got caught in the eye destruction. 

Klaus doesn’t have much time to react before he is kicked in the stomach by a new psychopath, this time one wearing a pink animal mask. He doubles over and stumbles backwards. He drops to the ground and returns the kick with a spin, aiming for the ankles and succeeding in knocking the assailant down. The attacker, who appears to be some sort of professional asshole, pulls a knife from their sleeve. Klaus wastes no time before kneeling on their wrist with the weights his body, trying not to feel too pleased with their muffled cry of pain. He kneels down to grab the knife but is head-butted, the mask being a lot harder than he first assumed. “Motherfucker!” 

His blood boils in his veins as they continue fighting. He doesn’t remember ever being in a fight before tonight, but somehow its like riding a bike. It’s easy and almost comforting. He knows how to inflict damage and cause pain and what worse is that he likes doing it. Never before has he been one to condone violence but his body doesn’t seem to understand that message as he slashes the knife he doesn’t remember picking up. 

It’s like watching his actions through someone else’s eyes. He knows what he is doing but his thoughts and actions are not his own and he is relying on pure instinct. He jabs the knife into the stomach of the one with the pink mask. He knows that the blade isn’t long enough to mortally wound them, but aimed precisely enough that they are distracted from his next attack. He goes for the neck but a pain shoots through his arm before he gets the chance to kill them. He drops the knife, blood seeping down his arm as he spins around. 

He knows he has just been shot. He curses for not taking the blue mask’s gun with him. Luckily, the bullet managed to graze his arm. He doesn’t give the shooter a chance to correct their aim and pushes the one with the pink mask to the side and dives behind the corner. 

Dave is there waiting for him, holding one of the fallen officer’s bloody guns. A pang of regret and sadness shoots through Klaus before his body betrays him, choosing to run instead of comforting his boyfriend. It seems to be the right move as the blue masked attacker appears behind the corner. His grip on Dave’s hand is ironclad as he rushes them out of the building. 

He grabs the gun from Dave as soon as they exit and spins around. Him and Bear Mask have guns trained on one another. Somehow he is quicker to pull the trigger. He manages to hit them in the eye, blood pooling out of the whimsical pink eye socket. Despite the morbidity of the situation, he shouts and pumps his fist in the air, “take that one fake Chucky Cheese fucks!”

He is so busy celebrating he doesn’t notice a grenade roll into the room. 

When the bomb first goes off, he thinks he is about to die. The noise is so loud and the heat is so intense that he can’t imagine he is anywhere else but hell. The force of it throws the both of them to the ground as the seconds drag on. Glass falls around them like rain, but he can’t hear anything except ringing and ringing and ringing. He wants to stay on the ground, just let the world run its course and whatever happens happens so long as he gets a second of peace but Dave is pulling him by his shirt. He finally convinces his body to stand up but his head is upset with the change of position. 

Dave is pulling on his arm and he tries to shake it off, wanting to go back to the comfy concrete and just rest. 

There are hands on his shoulders as Dave shakes him. He tries to understand what he’s saying but he still can’t hear. Whatever it is it looks like fucking move already.

His legs seem to understand and before he knows it they are running. He lets Dave lead him, not trusting himself to do anything else for the next hundred years or so.

They run until they can’t anymore, head pounding and covered in small cuts and bruises from the fight and fucking explosion. 

Finally, after what simultaneously feels like seconds and years all at once, they stop. He plops on the curb several blocks away from the police stationed tries to catch his breath. The ringing in Klaus’s ears only just begging to fade enough that he hears the sirens in the distance and Dave’s chanting “fuck, fuck, fuck,” as he paces back and forth. 

Klaus lights a cigarette and notices for the first time that his hands are shaking. 

“Fuck!” Dave yells and plops down next to him. 

Klaus bounces his leg, his thoughts running away from him. 

“Fuck!” Dave repeats. “What was that? How did you do that?"

“I don’t know,” he says, surprised it’s his own voice coming from his mouth.

“How?” Dave asks, “when did you learn that shit?”

“I don’t know!” He repeats. “What if like… I’m a robot?” 

“Klaus, honey, people died. Like… a lot of people died. This isn’t really the time for jokes.”

“I’m being serious! How else can you explain it? What if I was like programmed to defeat evil and like I’m remote controlled. Like robocop or something?”

“I don’t think that’s what the movie is about.”

“Okay okay that might have been a bad example but the robot thing. Babe I haven’t been in a gym in like… ever. I have never been to a gym so how do you explain that weird Krav Maga shit I just did?”

“You’re not a robot.”

“How do you know?”

“Because there is literally any other explanation.”

“Unless you contribute a theory or two yourself then I’m sticking to my guns. I am a robot.”

Dave rolls his eyes but Klaus can see a tiny hint of a smile. Mission accomplished.

“Well,” Dave sighs, “what now? I doubt we can go home after all that.” 

“It’s not like anyone who saw us is alive.” Saying it out loud does not ease the nausea in his stomach and based on the look Dave gives him he feels equally bad. “But you’re right,” he puts his head in his hands and watches the long snake of ash from his cigarette fall onto the ground. “Where are we going to go?” 

“Is there anyone we can trust? Any place we can go without people asking too many questions?”

There are few people in the town who don’t hate him and even fewer who actually like him. He’s got friends but they are more for partying and scoring LSD from, most he doesn’t know the name of. 

“An asylum?”

“Focus.”

“I’m trying! I don’t know if you haven’t noticed but like… I did some fuck shit in there.”

Dave kneels next to him, “I know, babe. I know that it was scary and weird but right now we just need somewhere to go.”

The only place Klaus wants to be right now is in his bed. His head hurts and although his arm has stopped bleeding he was still shot. He knows that they can’t go to the hospital, mostly because there isn’t one in their crap town, just a small doc in the box. Usually when he gets sick or injured he takes a naloxone and makes Dave pick him up a dozen glazed donuts. God, that sounds perfect right about now. 

“Griddy’s. Lets go to Griddy’s."

“You want donuts? Now? Now seems like a good time to get donuts for you?”

“Actually, yes. Think about it: it’s literally the last place anyone would expect us to go and we get donuts.”

“No. There is no way in hell we are getting donuts.”

—

Fifteen minutes later they are welcomed by the smell of stale donuts and the familiar worried smile of Agnes, the friendly lady who has worked there ever since Klaus can remember, which, admittedly isn’t very long. 

“Hello beautiful,” he says to the display of donuts, “I am in desperate need of coffee and one of these lovely ladies,” he points to a pink sprinkle donut, worries already starting to ebb away. 

“Phew,” she says as she gets him a mug, “you two look like shit.”

“Feel like it too,” he agrees, “Had a bit of car troubles. Nothing some caffeine and sugar can’t fix.”

“Looks a helluva lot more than a bit of trouble.” 

Although he has been described as a nuisance, trouble maker, junkie, and every other name under the sun, he has a way with words when it comes to kind ladies who give him donuts. 

“A long story, my dear. One better told after at least three dozen donuts.”

“I will hold you to that,” she smiles and retrieves their coffee and cakes. 

“I’m going to get cleaned up, you find us a table,” Dave says despite them being the only people in the restaurant so late at night. 

Despite the lack of customers, he chooses a secluded table, or at least tries to when Klaus notices a familiar face. “Ben?"

“I leave you alone for ten minutes and you blow up a police station?”

“Shhhh,” He hisses, “I did no such thing!”

“You alright there?” Agnes asks and gives him a concerned look. 

“Peachy keen!” He shouts back before sliding into the booth and gesturing Ben to sit across from him. “Where the hell were you?” He whisper shouts while stuffing donuts in his mouth. 

“Klaus there is something I need to tell you-“

“Is it why you ran when the cops showed up?” He asks between bites. Damn. Although he enjoys Ben’s company, he would rather enjoy the donuts in peace and quiet. 

“No. Well, yes. Kinda. It’s complicated and I don’t have much time.”

“Planning another great escape, are we?” 

“Klaus please listen to me.”

“Fine fine whatever. Just upset that you ghosted me after I killed someone. Not that I blame you but it was totally uncool.”

Ben winces. Good. 

“It’s actually about the whole ‘ghosting’ thing,” he gives an awkward laugh, “A couple years ago something happened-“

“Planning on saving any for me?” Ben jumps when Dave speaks. His hands are on his hips in faux offense. He looks much cleaner without the blood and grime covering his face. 

Dave scoots into the booth next to Ben, causing him to be squished into the wall. “This is gonna be awkward,” Ben huffs.

“Not at all,” Klaus reassures and causes Dave to huff and steal one of his well deserved donuts. “Dave this is Ben. Ben this is Dave.” 

“Where?” Dave asks, looking around as if Ben isn’t nearly ontop of him in the small booth. 

Klaus rolls his eyes, “C’mon don’t be rude.”

Dave goes from happy to confused, “what?”

“Klaus,” Ben says, “He can’t see me.”

“What do you mean can’t see you.” Klaus tries not to let his irritation show. "I’m not really in the mood for pranks.”

“I wish it were a prank dude-“ Ben says at the same time Dave says, “I’m not the one pulling a prank, babe.” 

“Fuck off the pair of you. Did you plan this or something? Meet at the store on my day off? Mingle while the cops were on their way?”

“Who do you see?” Dave asks, looking both worried and irritated. “What are you talking about?"

“Who do you think? Ben! He is right next to you.”

“Babe I promise there is no one there.”

If anything, Ben just looks guilty. He is melting further and further into the booth and looking away from the pointless argument unfolding around him. “Klaus, he really can’t see me.” He looks up from beneath his hood and places a hand on Dave’s shoulder. Except it doesn’t land on his shoulder but rather through it. 

“I’m dead.”

And that’s when all hell breaks loose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will probably make edits on this. Hopefully won't change content just make it less shitty. Comments, suggestions, and praise welcome. Please be kinds (or mean if its funny).

**Author's Note:**

> Well I have no clue when/if this will be updated but lmk if its actually worth continuing because I have never attempted anything like this before. Comments are much appreciated.


End file.
